(We open with the usual shot of Lucy coming around the bend, making plenty of noise. She comes to a stop...or maybe just shudders and collapses...on the curb next to Louie's.)
Sach: Oh boy, oh boy! I can't wait to have Louie's waffles and ice cream!
Slip: *As Sach climbs over him out of Lucy* Could ya try to NOT step on me, Sach?
Sach: Well, why don't you fix the other door?
Slip: Cuz it ain't my job! *swats at Sach with his hat*
Sach: We gotta get her to Scruno soon. She needs some tender care. (He pats Lucy's front)
Slip: Letís go, Sach.
(They all head for the building...but they stop at the door, which is open. Butch points to the left window.)
Butch: Hey, the window's broken!
Slip: Oh, this I don't like. Stay behind me, fellas. *starts to go in, slowly*
(They follow Slip in the Sweet Shop. The main room is a mess. There's glass, plates, and silverware everywhere, and much of it is missing. The till of the cash register is jutting open, empty. There's a lot of things missing from the shelves in the back, too.)
Butch: Look at this place!
Sach: Louie sure makes a mess when he's alone at night!
Slip: *Belts Sach with his hat* Louie's been robbed, you mutton-head!
Sach: Louie's been robbed!
Butch: Where's Louie?
Chuck: He's gotta be here, right?
*Whitey latches onto Sach.*
Slip: I'm gonna check the back room. *Starts for the door*
Sach: Whitey n' me will come with ya. Butch n' Chuck, you check the main room an' make sure there's no one hidin' in corners.
*Slip just shakes his head as he opens the door to the back room.*
Slip: Louie? You back here?
(The back room is a mess as well. Louie is wedged between two fallen boxes, bound and gagged.)
Sach: (Points to the boxes) I think I see him!
Slip: *Rushes over to the boxes* Louie, hang on! *pulls off Louie's gag, then pulls out his pocket knife* What happened?
Louie: (Wails) Oh help! Help! Police! Murder! Cutthroats came in here last night and wiped me out of everything I had! I was going to call you, but they dragged me back here before I could get to the phone booth!
Sach: They sure didn't do much wipin'! They left the place a mess!
Slip: *Winces as he frees him* Louie, I'm right here. Ya don't gotta yell.
Louie: (He holds Slip's shoulders) Oh Slip, it was terrible! They stole everythin' I have, and probably more! I'm so glad Sally's spending time with a friend downtown and Mama went to help her sister with her new apartment. I don't want them to worry. I'm already worried! What am I going to do? I can't open the store! It's ruined! My life's work is ruined! (He looks like he's going to cry any second.)
Slip: Louie, calm yerself! We've helped ya before. We can help ya now. *Gives the others a look that says even HE isn't sure of that*
Louie: I'm through this time! Gone! Kaput! (He sobs on Slip's chest)
*Slip flinches and doesn't seem to know what to do. Finally, he starts to pat Louie's back.*
Slip: Louie, please. Cryin' ain't necessity. We're gonna help ya. We'll find the hoods what done this to ya. Just stop tryin' to drown me.
*Now Whitey's crying, still hanging onto Sach's arm.*
Louie: (Looks up, sniffling) Yes, but what can you do? I have insurance. I'll be able to replace a lot of what's lost...but what if those robbers try again?
Sach: There's gotta be a way we can stop those guys!
Slip: We'll getcha better doors and glass that won't break. How about that?
Louie: Well, that's a start. But what I really need is a way to keep those robbers out for good!
Whitey: *Sniffs* How about a security system?
Louie: That could work...but wouldn't it be expensive?
Sach: Oh, I'm sure we could figure somethin' out! We could find the cheapest materials we can get!
Louie: Well, all right...
Sach: Sure! (Puts his arms around Louie) You'll just love my idea!
(We open back at Louie's. Louie, Chuck, Whitey, and Butch are cleaning up the mess left by the burglars. Slip is on the phone, trying to get guys to come over and replace the window for less than what they're asking for. Sach is nowhere to be seen.)
Louie: I hope Sachula gets back with his big invention soon. I don't like those windows being open. A bird might fly in here and get in the food!
Louie: How are you coming with the window men, Slip?
Slip: *Slams the phone down* You'd think I wanted gold-plated windows for the cost they're quotin'.
Louie: Oh dear. They really want that much?
Slip: Letís just say that, for once, I hope Sach knows what he's doin'.
(Sach walks through the door, whistling and grinning. He carries what looks like rolled-up tan bamboo window blinds.)
Slip: Well, Sach, what has the great genius come up with?
Sach: You'll love it, Chief. You too, Louie. It's lightweight, cheap, and will keep Louie's cool in the summer. (He rolls out what looks like two large straw mats.)
Louie: Um, Sachula, I hate to point this out, but that's straw.
*Slip slaps a hand to his forehead.*
Slip: Sach, how is straw s'posed ta keep burglars out?
Sach: Just watch, Chief! Whitey, Chuck, help me hang these. (They do so. As they finish hanging them, Sally enters, wearing a hat, a coat, and gloves.)
Sally: Hello, Uncle. I'm glad you called me. You're lucky you weren't... (She turns around and sees the straw window blinds) Sach, I've told you. We can't really have a cow here to make milk for ice cream. There isn't room.
Slip: *Smirks, moving beside Sally* That's why I like ya, Sal.
Sach: No, this isn't for a cow, silly girl! This is to keep burglars out!
Sally: How is straw going to keep burglars out?
Sach: Because it's good, strong straw. The guy who sold it to me told me so!
Sally: Sach, there is no such thing as "good, strong straw." (She goes to the straw panel that Chuck and Whitey hangs and pushes against it...and puts her hand right through it.) Straw is straw. That won't keep a fly out, much less a burglar.
Slip: I told ya, Sach.
Sach: Ok, Mr. Genius, do YOU have any ideas on how to keep burglars out?
Sally: (Turns to Slip with a grin) Yeah!
Slip: We board up the windows.
Sach: I still like my straw better. Boards are expensive, an' you've gotta nail them to the walls.
Sally: They're not that expensive. You could probably get some boards and nails from the hardware store around the corner.
Slip: Which I have every detention of doin'.
Louie: Well, go do it! I need to get those windows covered, before every fly in the Bowery ends up in here!
Sally: Slip, why don't you take Chuck and Sach to get the boards? The rest of us will stay here and finish cleaning the store.
Slip: *Grabs Sach's ear* C'mon, Straw-boy.
*Chuck smirks and follows them out of Louie's.*
Louie: I sure hope they get those boards soon.
Whitey: *Turns to Louie and Sally* Louie, Sally, why don't ya listen to my idea? It's a security system!
Louie: Aren't those awfully expensive?
Whitey: No, I'll make it myself!
Butch: (Grins at him) You'll finally have something to do with those five hundred radio parts cluttering our place.
Whitey: *Smiles proudly as he nods* I've been working on different little projects with them. I think this is my best one!
Louie: Well, it could work....
Butch: (Shrugs) Whitey's pretty good. He's rigged one up for our place. (Rolls his eyes) Not that we have anything to steal, besides maybe my old piano.
Whitey: But you'd be heartbroken if someone did steal it.
Butch: If they could get it out the door. She's a big girl.
Whitey: *Shrugs* I've seen people do some amazin' things!
Butch: Remember how long it took us to get it IN the door?
Whitey: *Nods* Yeah.
Whitey: I made the effort.
Butch: You always do. (Rolls his eyes) Unlike Slip, who mostly just yelled about his back and told us what to do.
Louie: I didn't think Slip had anything wrong with his back.
Butch: I think he just didn't wanna do anything.
Whitey: But he always does that.
Louie: I wonder what's taking them so long? The hardware store isn't far.
Sally: (As she puts away the remaining glasses) Slip probably wanted to haggle with the owner.
Butch: Or they lost Sach.
Whitey: Or both.
*That's when we hear the voices of Slip and Sach as they and Chuck enter the shop. Chuck carries the boards. Sach has the hammer and nails.*
Slip: Okay, boys, letís put 'em up.
Sach: (As he starts hammering a board) I still like my straw better.
Sally: (She continues with the glasses) It was impractical, Sach. We're not running a ranch here.
Louie: Did they cost much, Slip?
Slip: Nah, I talked the guy down.
Louie: Good. I'll be able to replace some things with insurance money, but others are going to have to be replaced...and I lost all of yesterday's money!
Butch: I hope this works. (He grabs nails and starts pounding them.)
Sally: After you boys put those up, why don't we go out for a while?
Louie: I'll mind the store. (He looks around) We should be just about ready to re-open. Thank goodness they didn't steal food!
Slip: Nah, only Sach does that.
Sach: I don't steal food! I only borrow it!
Louie: And you never return it!
Sach: I'll return it when I have the money!
Louie: You never have the money!
Slip: Could we disgust monetary problems later? What would ya like to do, Sal?
Sally: Maybe we could go to that new little deli that just opened. The girls told me they have the best knishes!
Slip: *Puts an arm around Sally* Anythin' ya want. It's on me.
Sach: (Puts an arm around Slip) You're treatin', Chief? Great! I'll have two of those knishes...no, make that three...and four onion bagels, one with cream cheese...
Sally: (Mutters to Slip) You have the money to treat?
Slip: *Mutters* Only for you.
Sally: (Smiles) That's sweet...but what will you tell the others?
Slip: That I ain't got the money for them, too.
Sach: Chief! (Shakes Slip's shoulder) Didn't ya hear what I said?
Sally: Tell him, Slip.
Sach: Come on, Chief! I wanna go see this new deli!
Slip: Sach, I only got the money for me and Sally.
Sach: Awww! (Grins) Mind if I come along and just sniff the knishes?
Slip: I don't care what ya do, but I ain't payin' for ya.
Louie: (Waves to the others) Bye! Have a nice evening!
(They drive off, the jalopy backfiring all the way. Cut to later in the evening. Louie runs out, looking like he's in a state of panic, just as the jalopy comes around the bend.)
Louie: Help! Help! Police! Murder! Theft! My poor till!
Sach: What's with Louie?
Slip: Looks like he's flipped again. *pulls the jalopy to a stop in front of Louie* Louie, what're you goin' on about?
Louie: Look! (Points at the boards over the window, which are now broken) My back is turned for five minutes, and look! Someone locked me in the back room and took all the money left in the till! I had to climb out a window!
*Slip's eyes widen, for once without a comment.*
Sally: (Leans over and hugs her uncle) Oh no! Are you ok? Did they hurt you?
Louie: No, but I tore my new pants on a nail climbing out of the back room!
Whitey: *Timidly* Can I try my security system now?
Louie: Anything, as long as it'll keep burglars out!
Whitey: Oh boy! *starts pulling bags out of the back of the jalopy* Good thing I brought the stuff with me!
Louie: How long will it take to set up?
Whitey: *Grins* Two minutes.
Louie: (Gives him a little push) Then get to it!
*Whitey heads inside with his bags and goes to work setting up the system.*
Sally: Slip, maybe we should see if we can get my uncle a drink. He's really upset.
Louie: Of course I'm upset! I lost half my inventory and two days' worth of receipts!
*Slip is still staring in disbelief.*
Chuck: *Waves a hand in front of Slip's face* Um, he doesn't seem to still be with us.
Sally: Slip? (She shakes his arm) You know, someone other than you can have a plan that works every once and a while.
Slip: *Turns to Sally* It ain't right. It didn't work.
Sally: Slip, we're in New York. They board up old buildings, and people still get in.
Chuck: *Makes a face* I can't watch this. *gets out of the jalopy and goes inside*
Butch: These guys are too mushy for me. Wait up, Chuck! (He goes after him.)
Slip: I just... I can't... What...
Louie: Snap out of it, Slip! We need to make sure Whitey's security system works!
Sally: And fix those boards until Uncle gets a window. And get Uncle a drink.
Slip: Alright. *climbs out of the jalopy, then helps Sally out*
Sally: Don't worry, Slip. The boards won't keep burglars out, but they will keep bugs out until we can get the window fixed.
(She wraps her arms around him and gives him a snuggle.)
Slip: *Smiles at her* Thanks.
*As they walk inside, Whitey claps his hands, grinning.*
Whitey: It's done! All up and runnin'!
Louie: I just hope it keeps these thieves out!
Slip: Why don't we use Whitey's system to catch the thieves?
Whitey: Catch them in the act with my system?
Slip: Yes, Whitey.
Louie: Oh, please! Anything to get these people to leave my store alone!
Slip: Whitey, it's yer system... you call the shots.
Whitey: *Voice pitches higher* Me!?
Slip: An' the rest of us will replace the boards to keep everythin' else out.
Louie: You're the one who knows the security system the best, Whitey.
*We fade out on Whitey's large grin and into early the next morning.*
(Three men in burglar masks, carrying large bags, creep into the main room. Other than the boards have been replaced, everything is as it was before. The moment one of them reaches for the till, we hear a loud peal of noise!)
Burglar #1: Scram, guys! It's an alarm!
Burglar #2: Oh no! How'd that old geezer get one of those?
Burglar #3: Who cares? Let's get outta here!
*Suddenly a large net drops on the trio of burglars.*
(All five Bowery Boys jump out at once as cops rush into the room, followed by Louie, Sally, and Gabe in a police officer's uniform.)
Gabe: Nice work, gang. We've been trying to catch these boys for months.
Louie: They burgled my store twice!
Butch: We didn't do all of it! It was Whitey's idea!
Sach: Yeah! (He puts an arm around Whitey) My pal Whitey here is the real genius. He set up the security system and suggested we use the nets to keep 'em until the cops arrived.
Slip: *Claps Whitey's shoulder* Whitey deserves all the credit.
Gabe: So you built the machine that made all that racket.
Whitey: With bits and pieces from old radios and a few other things.
Gabe: You did good, Whitey. They heard that racket halfway down the block and called the cops even before Sally and Louie arrived.
Louie: And I heard from my insurance this morning. They'll cover most of the losses, including the broken windows. (Grins) So, ice cream on the house! (Grins at Whitey) And you can have the biggest milkshake on the menu, Whitey.
Whitey: Oh boy! Can I have chocolate?
Louie: Whatever you want, my boy. (Pats Whitey on the shoulder as they turn to the counter and the other Bowery Boys and Sally join them and Gabe and the other cops lead the burglars away. We fade out on Whitey's big grin as Louie prepares his milkshake.)