(We open back on the boardwalk at Coney...but it's completely empty. The stores are shuttered and boarded up for the season. There's no one anywhere. Wind rattles the shutters and blows papers and sand across the quiet boards. The rides are silent. The Cyclone doesn't rattle. There's a heavy chain across the entrance to Steeplechase Park; the big smiling face smiles to no one but the seagulls.)
*We see the group enter the Boardwalk and begin looking around.*
Sach: (He shivers) Boy, this place is creepy.
Slip: It's a little decimated here.
Sally: No kidding. This isn't a year-round town.
Butch: (She gulps) Some of these places have been for a while. I hope none of these parks are haunted.
Slip: All I care about is we find that Gypsy.
Buddy: What do you wanna find some ol' gypsy for, anyway? There's a hundred different mediums in New York if you wanna get your fortune told.
Sach: We've got business with her!
Slip: Letís just say she owes us.
Butch: (He runs ahead and points at an empty, shuttered storefront - the very one the Boys entered in the beginning) Wasn't that the place where the gypsy was?
Louie: (Groans) Oh no. Oh no, no, no.
Slip: Oh, great. Now what're we gonna do?
Chuck: This can't be happening.
Sach: (She frowns) Hey, I think I hear someone in there.
Louie: (Points to the store) There's a light!
Buddy: Whoever is in there must have gone in the back way.
Slip: Why don't we find out who that somebody is?
Sach: But how are we gonna get in?
Chuck: Knock and see if they let us in?
Buddy: What if they're ghosts...or even somethin' livin'?
Sally: Maybe we could force the door. It's not like anyone's watching.
Whitey: *Pulls some tools from his purse* How about my tools?
Slip: Go to it.
Whitey: Thanks! *goes to the door and starts to work on it*
Buddy: Hey, I've never seen a girl who carries tools around! Reminds me of a friend of mine who has white-blond hair like that.
Sach: My bo...uh, girl never goes anywhere without her tools!
Slip: It comes in handy.
Butch: (She leans over Whitey) How's it coming?
Whitey: Almost got it...
(The door finally opens with a creak that deafening in the silence.)
Whitey: Got it!
Louie: (Jumps) A...are we sure we want to go in there? Maybe she's somewhere else...
Butch: But there's someone in there!
Sally: What if she's hurt?
Slip: We're goin' in. C'mon. *goes in first*
(They all enter. It's the same room we saw before...but barren and cleared of everything but the table that had once held the crystal ball. It's just four plain wooden walls and a floor, all of the purple and blue gewgaws gone.)
Sach: (Shivers) I think this place is even spookier without all the purple stuff and the big ball.
Slip: *Groans* This is just horrible.
Louie: (Looks up) I hear something.
Buddy: (Points) There's a couple of people in the back!
Sach: (Wails) And there's nowhere to hide! (She ducks under the table, but without the covering, she's easily visible.)
Slip: *Grabs Sach's arm* Get out from under there!
(A group of men in suits come in, carrying guns. The largest narrows his eyes at the group.)
Man #1: (Russian accent) What are you doing here?
Sach: We're lookin' for the gypsy! How 'bout you?
Man #1: How did you get in?
Sach: (Pats Whitey's shoulder) Ask my friend, here! H...She's great with openin' things!
Slip: What're you doin' here?
Man #1: By chance, we are looking for same woman. She is a native of our homeland.
Sach: What, Brighton Beach?
Man #1: No, Russia.
Sach: (She dives behind Slip) Ooop! Communists! Chiefette, we're bein' invaded!
Slip: Yer lookin' for the Gypsy, ain't ya?
Man #1: Yes, we are. Do you know anything about her? Where she may be?
Slip: We're lookin' for her, too. She owes us som'en.
Butch: Do you know anything about her? We really, really need to find her.
Man #1: (He lifts his chin) We need the use of her...talents.
Slip: She had talents?
Man #1: That old gypsy was well-known in our country for selling her psychic abilities to highest bidder. She fled to United States before we could intercept her.
Louie: Who ARE all of you?
Man #1: I am General Karkoff of the Soviet Army. My men and I were hired by our nation's leader to bring Maria Karkova back to the USSR. She was a spy for us, but she defected to the United States two years ago.
Slip: A spy? So what's she doin' bein' a Gypsy at an amusement park?
Man #1: First of all, what better hiding place could there be than a decedent place of amusement visited by thousands of people each year? This is a good place to come if one wants to get lost. Second, there could be no better place to spy, either. All kinds of people come here, the high and the low.
(One of the men talk to the General, pointing and gesturing at the group. Several are eyeing the various girls.)
General Karkoff: (Nods) I agree. (Turns to the others) You seem to have some interest in Comrade Karkova. Perhaps you could tell us a bit more about this?
Slip: We stopped to see her the other day. We did her a favor, and now, she owes us one.
General Karkoff: What kind of favor?
Sach: The kind we didn't want!
Slip: It was a favor. Isn't that enough?
General Karkoff: No. (He nods; his men all point their guns) You'll all be coming with us to give us better answer.
Buddy: (He puts up his fists) Like hell we will! We won't let you hurt us or these nice ladies!
Louie: Boys, be careful!
Junior: *Also puts up his fists* That's right! We're not here to cause you any trouble.
General Karkoff: You obviously know something about Comrade Karkova that you won't tell. (Nods) Men, take them. They are but children, except for the old woman.
Louie: (Makes a face) I'm not THAT old!
Sach: (Leans over Slip) I don't think these two will be able to handle these guys alone. Should we help them? I mean, we are chicks, but we could probably still hit 'em with our purses.
Slip: Routine 7. An' I ain't worried about breakin' no fingernails.
Sach: Everyone but me is wearin' gloves anyway! (Thoughtful) So that's why all ladies wear gloves!
*Slip rolls his eyes and aims at the nearest goon.*
(Sach jumps onto the table and announces the fight scene.)
Butch: (Grins and whispers) Routine 7?
Chuck: Looks like it to me!
(Butch kicks the nearest officer in the gut very hard with his pink heels.)
*Slip is still swinging fists, although he doesn't seem to have as much force behind the punches as he used to. This makes her swing go wild.*
*Whitey is swinging his purse at any officer who gets within reach.*
(Louie wallops anyone within range of her with her very large purse. She knocks at least two men out.)
Buddy: (Smirks) Wanna tag-team the General, Junior?
Junior: I'd be happy to!
(They both go flying into the General at once and start punching.)
(Gabe's not as lucky. Tall and willowy, his punches have no force. An officer easily swings him into his arms.)
Officer: Hello, pretty one. You are a fine catch for a decadent American woman.
Gabe: Let me go!
Sach: (Points at the officer) Chief, Gabe's in trouble!
Slip: Dammit... *goes after the officer holding Gabe*
(That gives the man he was attacking a chance to grab hold of him.)
Officer #2: No you don't, little plump one! You have good fists, for small woman.
Slip: *Struggles* Lemme go, ya creep!
Louie: (He grabs Sally) Come on! We've gotta get help!
Sally: (Nods) There has to be someone in Manhattan or Brooklyn we can contact!
(They hurry out before two Russians can catch them.)
(One of the officers grabs Butch. She tries to kick them again, but they dodge her heels this time.)
Officer: Not again with those lethal shoes, Comrade!
*Another officer picks up Chuck. She fights, to no avail. An officer takes Whitey's purse away, then sweeps the delicate blond into his arms.*
(Sach just puts her hands up as an officer reaches for her.)
Sach: Ok, you got me! I'll go quiet-like.
Officer: At least one of these American women shows intelligence. (He pushes Sach next to the struggling Slip.)
Sach: Did you hear that, Chiefette? He said I'm smart!
Slip: He don't know ya like I do.
Butch: (Mutters to Chuck) He must be delusional.
General Karkoff: Take them to our headquarters where they call Brooklyn. Lock the two boys in the basements (smirks) but put the ladies in our guest rooms. After all, we have a great deal of talking to do.
Sach: But I don't wanna go to Brooklyn! It gets cold there!
Slip: It gets cold in the Bowery, too.
Sach: I WANNA GO HOME!
General Karkoff: (Frowns) Calm down, Comrade. Stop behaving like a child.
Butch: Aw, can't you see she's scared?
Chuck: She's led a very sheltered life.
Slip: Knock it off, S...Henrietta!
General Karkoff: Take the women to the cars. The boys will go in a separate one.
Buddy: Hey! How come they get the guest rooms, an' we don't?
General Karkoff: You are our...as you Americans say...insurance. (He nods at two of his men) Take the boys away.
(They drag out Junior and Buddy, both yelling all the way.)
Slip: You better not hurt them.
General Karkoff: Not as long as you cooperate (he runs a finger down Slip's cheek) pretty plump goose.
Slip: Don't touch me.
General Karkoff: Perhaps, if this goes well, you would look nice on my arm. There are not many women in Soviet Russia like you and your friends.
Slip: *Mutters* Or anywhere else.
General Karkoff: (Takes Slip's arm) Shall we go to the cars, fair Comrade?
Sach: (Gulps and mutters to himself) Chief, don't kill him. He might kill US.
*Slip just makes a face. She makes a fist with the arm being held.*
General Karkoff: (He grabs her hand with the fist) You are very brave woman, to think you can fight your way out of this. You and the other women are overwhelmed and overmatched.
Slip: That's what you think.
General Karkoff: (He pulls Slip into his arms) Don't make this more difficult. We can make it very rough on your two young friends.
Slip: Don't touch me.
General Karkoff: Later. But for now, we go to our rooms. (He pushes the struggling Slip along.)
(The officers lead the Girls out. All six protest loudly the whole way.)
(Cut to a beautifully and tastefully decorated suite of rooms. The men lead the women into the first one, a sitting room with antique furniture and bookshelves stuffed full of novels on Russian history. There's fine old samovars and candlestick holders displayed.)
Butch: Wow. Get a load of this place.
Chuck: Someone sure knows how to decorate.
*Slip is eyeing the bookshelves.*
General Karkoff: You will be expected to dress for dinner. Our regular hostess keeps several gowns in the walk-in closet. There may be one or two that could fit you. We will come for you at dinner. Don't try to escape before then. We have guards stationed at the door.
Sach: (Gulps and grabs Slip) Oh Chiefy, we're prisoners in a glinted cage!
Slip: *Slaps at Sach* Gedoffame!
General Karkoff: Not prisoners, my large-nosed comrade. You are guests. We're just taking precautions. (Smirks at Slip) I am especially looking forward to what you wear to dinner, my plump little goose.
Slip: *Folds her arms* Oh, are you, now? Maybe not only will I knock yer socks off, but I might just knock that smirk off, too!
Chuck: *Mutters to Butch* Slip's gonna get himself in trouble.
Butch: (Makes a face) No kidding.
General Karkoff: (Narrows his eyes) I'd suggest you watch what you say while in this household, my pretty goose. Remember, I have your two male comrades in the basement. One slip from you, and...well, they are not ladies. We do not have to be so gentle with them.
Slip: *Plants her fists on her hips* Why don'tcha stop threatenin' them aní try me, hmmmm?
General Karkoff: It is not in my nature to harm a lady. (He runs his fingers over her head and through her hair, and then whispers into her ear) However, perhaps, later tonight, in my rooms...
*Slip growls, but it's nowhere near threatening with a feminine voice.*
Butch: Hey, get offa her! She don't like that!
Chuck: You really shouldn't do that.
General Karkoff: You forget yourselves. (He pulls Slip closer to him) The things I could do to you, pretty goose, are not repeatable in front of such children.
Butch: (Squawks angrily) CHILDREN!
Slip: Children, huh? *knees the General in a very sensitive place*
General Karkoff: (He doubles over...but he's sort of smiling) I like...your...spirit...goose...
Sach: Nice one, Chiefy! I think he likes you more!
*Slip makes a face. Chuck shakes her head.*
General Karkoff: I will come back later, when you are feeling more...relaxed. For now, please...enjoy...your time...here... (He leaves, groaning)
Butch: (Makes a face) That guy's weird.
Slip: Weird ain't the word.
Sach: What are we gonna do now?.
Slip: We gotta find Buddy and Junior.
Sach: And that gypsy lady, too!
Butch: But how are we gonna get outta here?
Whitey: There's guards outside, too!
*Meanwhile, Gabe is rifling through the closet.*
Butch: Whitey, do you still have your tool kit?
Whitey: Of course I do.
Gabe: *Turns from the closet* I think I have an idea... *She pulls out the skirt of a red dress in the closet.*
Butch: (Makes a face) I think we've done enough of that.
Sach: I couldn't wear that dress! It's too short for my legs! They're still too long!
Gabe: That's part of the point. We're gonna use these ladies' bodies to our advantage. We'll sweet talk the guards into letting us out.
Slip: For once, I'm glad I ain't the one wit' the idea.
Sach: An' Whitey could pick any locked door!
Butch: He'll get us out to the guards!
Chuck: That's right!
Butch: But we gotta be quiet. If we make too much noise, we might attract the General's attention.
*Slip grunts at that.*
Sach: Well, what are we waitin' for? Let's get dressed! (He leans in the closet.)
Butch: I hope we can do this without Louie n' Sally.
Chuck: We'll have to.
Sach: (She pulls out a white satin dress with a huge circle skirt and tight bodice and shoves it at Slip) This one would be perfect for you, Chiefette!
Slip: *Eyes it like it's going to bite her* Sach, I ain't wearin' that.
Sach: Why not? I think it would look nice. You do look good in white.
Butch: I wouldn't wear that, either. I've seen real chicks in dresses like that.
Chuck: *Fingers the dress* Aw Slip, I think this would look great on you!
Slip: Yer so dead when we get back to normal. *snatches the dress*
*We cut to Whitey picking the lock on the door. She's already dressed in a sparkly deep-blue long-sleeved dress and matching heels.*
Sach: (He wears a long purple dress with a slit on the side that's just a little too big for him) How's it comin', Whitey ol' pal?
Whitey: Almost got it. How's the others comin' gettin' into their dresses?
Sach: (She looks over her shoulder and winces) They're...coming.
Whitey: That good, huh?
Butch: (She comes out in a sweeping pink gown with a huge skirt that's trimmed with tons of lace, especially on the top) I feel like a cone of cotton candy.
Whitey: *Grins at Butch* You look good enough to eat!
Butch: (Rolls her eyes) Funny. Where's the other three?
Sach: If the Chief's cursin' is anythin' to go by, hidin'.
Gabe: *Comes out wearing a fire-engine red, sleeveless shimmery gown with a tiara in her hair; twirls* Well, ladies, how do I look?
Whitey: *Grins* Like the only one of us who's enjoyin' this.
Gabe: Letís just say I have a whole new appreciation for women.
Chuck: *Off-camera; calls out* But, Slip...
*Chuck stumbles out, having been pushed. She throws her arms out, giving up. She walks over to the others.*
Chuck: *Wears an emerald green, short sleeve poofy gown with matching shoes* Slip is impossible!
Sach: Sheís still not gettin' in the dress?
Chuck: Sheís in it. She won't come out.
Butch: He thinks this is impossible? At least he ain't wearin' somethin' that looks like a candy shop torpedoed.
Chuck: I dunno. I think ya look kinda cute in that.
Butch: (She scratches his rear) It still itches.
Sach: I guess it's my job. (She reaches into the back room and pulls Slip out.) Oh come on! Everyone else has done it!
Slip: *Slaps at Sach* This is ridiculous! I ain't doin' this!
Sach: How do you think I feel? I had to stuff pillows in my top to make this fit right, and it's still too big!
*Slip wears the white satin dress with a huge circle skirt and tight bodice that shows off her curves. However, the scowl on her face doesn't match the beautiful dress.*
Slip: *Plants her fists on her hips, still scowling* Yeah, well, I got enough for bot' of us.
Sach: (Looks in Slip's top) How's that stayin' up with no sleeves?
Slip: *Slaps Sach* Don't ask stupid questions.
Butch: Got it yet, Whitey?
Whitey: *Door knob clicks* Yup!
Butch: (Peers out) Ok, there's two guards on either side, and another one down the hall. Who gets whom?
Gabe: We could just send Slip out and distract them all.
Sach: I like that. Slip has enough to distract for all of us.
Slip: I ain't goin' out there!
Gabe: *Goes to Slip* Alright, Slip, how about I go with you?
Slip: *Sighs* Fine.
Gabe: Letís go knock their socks off, Slip.
*Slip grunts, but follows Gabe out into the hallway.*
Guard #1: (Turns his gun on Slip) How did you two get out?
Slip: *Flutters her eyelashes* Does it matter?
*Gabe grins, watching Slip get into the act.*
Guard #1: General Karkoff specifically said for you women to stay in the room until he came for you. (But he's blushing.)
Slip: *Drags a finger along the guard's chin* We can't wait.
Guard #1: There's a bathroom in the suites...
(His knees are buckling.)
*Slip yelps as the guard faints into her arms. Meanwhile, Gabe knees the second guard whose hand falls from her waist.*
Gabe: That'll teach ya to get fresh with me.
Butch: Ok, who gets the one at the end of the hall?
*The third guard comes running up after seeing what's happened to the other two.*
Guard #3: What's going on here?
Sach: (Whispers to Butch) Hey, how about you?
Chuck: Yeah, you're pretty cute.
Butch: (Squeaks) Me? (He gulps and goes up to the guard) Uh...hi there, handsome.
Guard #3: Hi.
Butch: (He leans against him) You know, a little woman likes me sorta needs protection in this big place. I don't know where to go, or who is around who can help us.
Guard #3: Oh, I could help! I'd love to help!
Butch: Maybe you could tell us the quickest way to get to the basement.
Guard #3: Sure! *points down the hall* Take the stairway to your left, it'll take you right there.
Butch: Oh thank you! Thank you so much! Here's something special from me! (He grabs the man and kisses him. He passes out. Butch makes a face when he lands on the floor.) Yuck. That guy tasted like vodka and old fish!
Slip: *Dusting her hands off* Mine just smelled like vodka.
Gabe: At least we know how to get to the basement.
Slip: C'mon, before we hafta use our charms on any more of these creeps.
Sach: Sounds good to me! (They head in the direction the guard pointed out as we fade out on the unconscious guards.)