(We open as the boys head into the hotel. It's small and a bit rundown, with slightly shabby furniture in the lobby, though everything is clean.)
Butch: Well, it ain't the Ritz.
Slip: Ya didn't actually think Louie would spring for the Ritz, did ya?
Sach: (He smiles) I'm just happy Louie sprang for anything at all! We could be back in the Bowery, trying to find someone else who'll take our IOUs.
Chuck: Yeah, not too many people take kindly to IOUs.
Clerk: (A middle-aged man in a suit stands at the desk) May I help you gentlemen?
Slip: We got a reservation. Mahoney's the name.
Clerk: (Nods) Yes. You have room 2C, next to the Dumbrowskis on the second floor. (He hands Slip the keys) We hope you enjoy your stay here.
Slip: Thanks. I depreciate it.
Slip: *Turns to the others* Letís go find the room.
Sach: (To the clerk) By the way, have you seen a beautiful blond in a red roadster come through here?
Clerk: I've seen blonds, but I don't think any had a red roadster. I'm sorry, sir.
Sach: Oh, that's ok. Maybe we'll see her at the Falls, when I go over in a barrel.
Clerk: But Sir... (Sach walks off before he hears) ...that's illegal.
(Cut to upstairs. The boys make their way down a narrow hallway.)
Butch: (Stops in front of a door) I think this one's ours.
Slip: 2C, I'd say so. *puts the key in the lock then opens the door* Quit crowdin'.
(The room is essentially one square block with two Murphy beds in the walls, a small TV, an old radio, a radiator, and an ancient desk, lamp, table, and two chairs.)
Sach: Oh boy, I love the rooms with the beds you pull out of the walls! (He tries pulling one bed, but it won't come.) Hey, this one's stubborn!
Slip: It knows yer pullin' on it.
Butch: We don't need them now, anyway. (He sits on a chair.) Hey, not bad, for something that's probably older than Louie and Mama put together.
Sach: (He peers in another door) Oh boy, I found the bathroom!
Whitey: Nice find, Sach!
Sach: It ain't much bigger than our bathroom at home. I hope we all don't need to go at the same time.
Slip: I'd rather find a plant.
Sach: Maybe we oughta go find Mama n' Louie now. They're probably worryin' 'bout us.
Slip: Fine with me.
*Slip and the Boys head back outside, towards the Falls. They head for the railing over-looking the side.*
Butch: (Looks down) Wow, I never saw so much water! There's more water in there than in all of the Hudson River!
Slip: What a magnitude of water.
Louie: Boys! (He, Mama, and Sally join them) You made it!
Sally: (She hugs Slip) Where have you boys been? Lucy been giving you trouble again?
Slip: *Grins* Lucy? Nah, she's a great gal. No trouble at all.
Louie: I wish you boys would try to raise money for a new car. All that thing does is make noise.
Butch: But Lucy's our baby!
Slip: Lucy does not make noise. Sach makes noise.
Louie: Sach doesn't end up on the ground every time he moves.
Slip: *Goes to Louie* But Lucy's like my own flesh and blood! You wouldn't wanna just throw out yer own flesh and blood, would ya?
Louie: Well, no, but at least your own flesh and blood would get you here before half the day is done.
Mama: Slip, where's Sach? I haven't heard him begging for roasted peanuts or cucumber sandwiches yet.
Slip: He was just with us...
(That's when the camera cuts to Sach, who rolls a barrel down to the Falls. An older man in a ranger outfit, who just concluded a tour, frowns as he watches Sach push his wooden booty.)
Ranger: Where are you going with that, young man?
Sach: The Falls. Where else?
Ranger: But you can't do that, sir!
Sach: Yeah, I can. (He lifts the top on the barrel) I'm going to climb in this barrel, roll it to the falls, go over, and take my picture.
Ranger: But that's illegal, sir!
Sach: And you're sweet, too. (He starts to climb in the barrel, but the Ranger tries to grab the barrel from him...which leads to a tug of war.)
Sally: (Points to the tussle as the camera cuts back to the others) Isn't that Sach over there? What IS he doing to that Ranger...and that barrel?
Slip: I can't let him outta my sight for two seconds!
Sach: (He looks up as Slip storms over to him) Oh Chief, tell this guy to get his own barrel!
Ranger: But I don't want the barrel. I want him to forget this foolish and dangerous idea of going over the Falls!
(The Ranger finally pulls a little too hard. He winds up falling into the barrel! The barrel falls over...and rolls under the railings and into the Falls.)
Sach: (Yells after him) Hey, come back! That guy's a barrel thief! He stole my barrel! Now he's gonna get my picture!
Sach: Chief, he stole my barrel! Now I gotta find another one!
Slip: You ain't s'posed to be tryin' this anyway!
Sach: But how am I gonna get my picture?
Slip: I don't know. *grabs Sach's ear* Now, c'mon, before ya get us all in trouble! *He drags Sach back over to the others.* Behave!
Sach: Aw, but Chief...
Louie: What was that all about?
Sach: The Ranger stole my barrel. He's a barrel thief, and I want him reported.
Slip: This crazy moron was tryin' to go over the Falls in a barrel!
Louie: Sachula, are you crazy? You could get killed!
Sach: No, I'm not crazy. I want to get a picture of the Falls and sell it for a lot of money!
Louie: You'd never survive to get that picture!
Sach: How do you know? There might be pillows down there or somethin'!
Slip: An' maybe someday you'll find yer brain.
Sach: If you know where it is, just tell me... (He looks up at the railing down the way from them...and his rubber lips suddenly go on overdrive.)
Slip: Now what'sa matter?
(Sach just turns Slip around and points to the young woman we saw earlier. She's now with several more attractive ladies.
*Slip's eyes widen.*
Butch: (He and the others join them) What's Sach lookin' at... (He looks up...and his eyes widen.) They're almost better lookin' than the Falls.
*Whitey just grins widely.*
Sach: Well, don't just stand there! Let's go and be neighborly!
Sally: (She joins Slip as the others join the ladies) What's going on?
(The boys surround the ladies, chatting with them)
Slip: Ah, the others decided to go meet those nice ladies.
Sally: That's our boys. Two minutes here, and they've already found something better to look at than the Falls.
Louie: (He and Mama join them) Isn't that sweet? They've already made friends here.
Slip: *Clears his throat* Yeah.
Sach: (He comes over with his arm around the woman; the others have their arms around her friends) Hey Chief, meet our new ladies!
Woman: It's very nice to meet you. Sach has told me so much about you.
Sally: (She squeezes Slip's hand) It's nice to meet you, too.
Slip: Has he?
Woman: Yes. He thinks the world of you.
Sach: Of course I do! He's our Chief. He made me the man I am today!
Woman: You know, there's a big dance tonight at the ballroom at the Hotel Dupont, where we're staying. It's open to anyone in the area. Would you like to go?
Sach: Oooh, a date! I like that. Will there be food?
Sally: (Turns to Slip) That sounds like fun!
Slip: *Nods* Yeah, it does sound like fun.
Sally: (Whispers in his ear) And we'll be able to show all those upstate New Yorkers a thing or two on the dance floor.
Slip: *Smirks* Yeah.
Louie: (Grins at Mama) Why don't we go along and chaperone?
Mama: But who's gonna chaperone us?
Louie: We haven't needed chaperones since your mother moved out.
Sally: (Mutters to Slip) That was three years ago.
Woman: (She gives Sach a kiss on the cheek) We have to meet other people, but we'll see you tonight at the dance.
(Sach's only reply are his rubber lips going triple-time.)
Butch: (He grins as the other women follow her) Wow, Chief! They're really cute!
Sach: My woman! My love! What a beauty! She and the Falls are the ninth wonders of the world!
Slip: Alright, you guys, I get it.
Louie: Why don't we all go out to lunch and rest up for the dance?
Sach: I must restore my strength, so I can dance with my new love tonight!
Mama: We saw a really nice little restaurant near the falls on our way over here.
Louie: They didn't look expensive, either.
Sach: Do they have banana splits?
Slip: I'm gonna split you, Sach!
Sally: (Takes Slip's arm) Let's just go to lunch, shall we?
Sach: (Mutters to Sally) Thank you!
Sally: (Mutters back) You're welcome. I don't want any bloodshed on this vacation.
Sach: And I don't want my blood shed. I like my blood where it is - in my head.
(Sally just chuckles and shakes her head as the group strolls off to the restaurant Mama mentioned.)
(Cut to a simple ballroom set. There's tables set up with food. A dance orchestra plays an instrumental tune on a stage in the very back. Sally, Slip, Louie, and Mama come in first. There's already people milling around the floor. Some chat. Others are slow dancing.)
Sally: This is nice. I'm glad we came.
Slip: Me, too. Should be fun.
Louie: (Takes Mama's hand) Come on. Let's go see what the food's like.
Mama: You just want to get ideas for the shop.
Louie: I'm hungry! I haven't eaten since lunch!
Mama: You ate a whole spaghetti dinner at lunch!
Louie: I'll work it off dancing later. (He drags her over to the buffet)
Slip: Guess that leaves you an' me, Sal.
Sally: (As they head to the dance floor, she points back to the door) Here come the others!
Sach: (He has the lady on his arm) Hi, Chiefy! We're ready to tear up the floor!
Slip: Good for you, Sach.
Sach: You're just jealous, Chief. You finally might have some competition.
Slip: No, I ain't.
Slip: C'mon, Sal, letís hit the dance floor.
(They do so. The music switches to something a little bit faster. The other boys jump on the dance floor as well.)
Woman: Hey, you're not bad!
Sach: Not bad? Watch this! (He tries to do what he thinks looks like Fred Astaire, but really looks more like he has a nervous twitch) Pretty good, huh?
Woman: (Laughs and take his hands) Let's just stick to the Jitterbug for now.
*Meanwhile, Slip and Sally are burning up the dance floor.*
Slip: Havin' a good time, Sal?
Sally: You bet! (She grabs him as the two twirl around)
Woman #2: (She's dancing with Chuck; indicates Slip and Sally) Would 'ya look at those two go!
Chuck: *Grins* They're both great dancers. I'm just glad to be half the dancer Slip is.
*Slip dips Sally as the song ends and pulls her back up so they're face to face.*
Sally: (Kisses him) God, you're good.
Slip: *Smirks* So're you. *Makes a face* I gotta cut out for a minute, Sal. *kisses Sally* I'll be right back.
Sally: Don't take too long. They'll be starting the next number soon, and I'll need my Gene Kelly to keep 'em on their toes.
Slip: I won't be long. *heads off toward the restroom, whistling all the way.*
*He goes into the restroom, still whistling, and disappears into a stall. He comes back out moments later. Heís washing his hands when Sach comes into the restroom.*
Sach: (He's grinning ear to ear) Oh boy oh boy! Can that girl dance!
Slip: Nice to see ya havin' a good time, Sach. She sure seems to like ya.
Sach: Yeah. She's really somethin'. It's a shame she's from Yonkers. Maybe we could write or send smoke signals.
Slip: Yer som'en else, Sach. I gotta get back to Sally. Have fun.
Sach: You too! (He whistles and heads for the stalls)
*Slip leaves the restroom, shaking his head.*
(Sach's lady friend is by the buffet. She goes up to Slip, smiling.)
Woman: Hello there. I didn't know you could do moves like that.
Slip: *Shrugs* It's nutin'. *Nods at the dance floor* Sounds like you an' Sach are havin' a good time.
Woman: Oh, he's a very sweet fellow. But he's not the dancer you are.
Slip: Dancin' ain't everythin'. *Frowns* 'Sides, he likes ya, too...
Woman: Oh, I think he's adorable. (Grins) But you have some amazing moves there. How about you and I do this next one together?
Sally: (She appears at this point, frowning deeply) How about you don't?
Slip: Sally, I...
Sally: (She glares at the woman) Stay away from him.
Woman: I just wanted to dance, not make out!
Sally: You'd better not!
Woman: Are you like this all the time? If you are, he might be better off with another partner. Maybe he'll get a breath of fresh air.
Slip: Wait a minute. While I depreciate the two a-you fightin' over me like this, I did come 'ere wit' Sally.
Sally: I'll show you fresh air! (She grabs the woman and yanks at her hair. The woman yanks her back, and the two end up rolling across the floor, just as Sach comes out.)
Sach: (He comes out of the bathroom) Boy, I needed that. (Frowns as he joins Slip and watches two women roll across the floor) Hey, what's your woman doing to my woman?
Slip: Fightin' over me.
Sach: You? (Raises his eyebrows) I thought they both had better taste than that!
(The women roll into the boys' legs. Their clothes are getting rather torn by now, revealing more than what they should be...and receiving quite a few wolf whistles and calls.)
(The boys end up falling into the buffet table, knocking everything helter-skelter. When they come up, they're covered with whipped cream, cakes, and ice cream. Sach runs his finger across Slip's cheek.)
Sach: Oooh, tasty. How did you get the chocolate, and I only got the butterscotch?
Slip: *Makes a face* Just lucky, I guess. *bops Sach over the head*
Sach: Ow! (We fade out on his and Slip's dual annoyed expressions as the others hurry over to right the table and eat the ice cream off their friends.)