(We open in a peaceful clearing in the woods in the autumn. There are birds chirping and rust-and-gold-colored leaves rustling in the wind. Suddenly, the calm is shattered by an ear-splitting backfire and the sound of men shouting.)
Slip: For the last time, we're stoppin' here!
Sach: But Chief, I think I saw a nice place about a mile back...
Butch: Yeah, right next to the food stand.
Slip: The whole idea of roughin' it is to NOT have food or much of anythin' else easily recessible.
Sach: Yeah, but they've probably cooked over an open fire before.
Butch: We did that! Remember the time the power went out and we had to cook breakfast over candlelight?
Chuck: An' we had our eggs loose.
Sach: (As they stop, he takes a deep sniff) Ahh, smell that fresh air. You don't get that in the Bowery!
Whitey: You're right, Sach!
Butch: (As they jump out) Ok, who gets to do what?
Sach: When do we eat?
Slip: First, we gotta set up camp, Sach.
Sach: (He pulls out the tent) Who gets to do this? (Tugs a pole out of the bag) I wonder where this goes?
Slip: I know who SHOULDN'T be doin' this.
Butch: (Takes the pole) Why don't Whitey and I do this?
Sach: Sure, take all my fun!
Whitey: Sach, you can help the Chief with somethin' else.
Sach: Ok! (He turns to Slip) Is there anything I can help you with?
Slip: Sach, you are gonna supervise. Chuck and me are gonna set up where we're gonna be eatin'.
Sach: Oh boy! If anyone knows about how you should set up an eatin' place, it's me.
Slip: You ain't settin' it up! Yer supervisin'!
Sach: Then I'm tellin' ya how to set it up! (He walks over to one place) And you should do it here. Leave us plenty of room to eat, please, especially me.
Chuck: *Leans over Slip* Perhaps this wasn't such a good idea?
Sach: No loafing on the job, unless bread is involved. Now, we're going to need wood for the fire...
Slip: Sach, how 'bout you get the wood, hmmmm?
Sach: Would I get the wood? Sure I would! (He lets out his distinctive laugh and heads into the woods.) Would I get the wood...that's a good one!
Slip: Letís get this set up.
(The camera follows Sach into the woods, showing the morning sunlight pouring through the trees. Cut to a bit later. It's now afternoon, about lunchtime. The camera returns to the camp site. Whitey and Butch are working on a second, slightly lopsided tent.)
*Meanwhile, Slip and Chuck are setting up their rented picnic tables and folding tables. They're also arguing loudly. They can't agree on where to put anything.*
Butch: (Shakes his head as he lifts up one side of the second tent) You know, those two would get that done faster if they didn't fight over every little thing.
Whitey: *As he fights with his end* They get done fast if only one of them was doin' the job.
Butch: Has it occurred to anyone that Sach hasn't come back yet, and it's almost noon?
Whitey: *Nods* I've been wonderin' what happened to him. I wonder if the Chief's noticed? *He motions to Slip and Chuck. They're still arguing.*
Butch: Maybe we ought to look for him. He doesn't have the world's greatest sense of direction, and none of us are used to the woods. We'll probably be back with Sach before they even notice we're gone.
Butch: Come on. (He leads Whitey into the woods. The camera moves to the trees again...and we fade out and then in, revealing that more time has passed.)
Chuck: *Sits at the picnic table as Slip finishes with the set-up* I'm glad I could be so much help to you.
Slip: Once ya figured out how to stop helpin' me. *glances around* You seen the others?
Chuck: No, I haven't.
Slip: *Groans* Great. Better go find 'em. *They head off into the woods.*
(Cut to Sach. He's still looking for wood. He has a huge pile in his arms.)
Sach: Well, this should be just enough for the Chief. (Peers around the wood pile.) Now, if only I could see where I was going. (Takes one thin piece of wood off the top; his eyes now peek over the pile.) That's better.
(He totters this way and that. He comes out of the wood and into a clearing...and suddenly trips over a rock and falls head over heels! Wood goes flying as we hear a splash. The camera moves to Sach, now emerging dripping wet from what looks like a pond. He picks up a fish in his hands.)
Sach: Hey look, I caught lunch! (But the fish slips out of his hand) Hey, come back here! You're my lunch! (He dives back in, but it's brief. He comes up shivering.) It's too cold to chase our lunch this way! (He looks around) This is a nice place. I think there was a booth to rent fishing equipment back at the front of the woods. Maybe we could get lunch here! (He finally crawls out of the pond) I gotta tell the Chief! (Grabs a branch) But first... (He starts collecting branches again as the camera cuts to more woods.)
(Butch and Whitey make their way through the woods. Butch climbs over a log...and trips over it face-first into a pile of leaves.)
Butch: (Spits leaves out of his mouth) Boy, when we get outta here, I'm never goin' for a walk in any woods that are bigger n' Central Park again!
Whitey: *Helps Butch out of the leaves* Are you okay?
Butch: (Brushes himself off) Yeah. (He looks up as we hear noises) What's that?
Whitey: *Listens* It's a funny, squeaky sound...
*There's squirrels running around in the tree branches above them.*
Butch: (He smiles shakily) It's just squirrels. (Gulps) I hope nothing bigger lives in these woods.
(That's when they hear a snuffling noise in the log Butch just tripped over.)
Whitey: Wha's that?
Butch: I dunno. (He leans over the log.) It's comin' from here.
Whitey: Butchy, don't get too close! You don't know what's in there!
Butch: I doubt it's anything that could hurt us. A bear or a moose wouldn't fit in there... (His eyes widen as a little black creature with a white stripe on its back shuffles out of the log) But a skunk would! Run!
*Whitey screams. The two trip over each other trying to get away.*
(We cut back to the skunk. He's now crudely animated. He scratches his head, then shakes it. Crazy humans. He shuffles back into his log to sleep until spring.)
*The camera cuts to a different part of the woods where we find Slip and Chuck. Slip is about 3 or 4 steps in front of Chuck. Slip trudges his way through the brush. He sends every branch into Chuck's face and upper body.*
Chuck: Slip, can't we get out of the brush? I'm gonna have welts from gettin' hit by these branches.
Slip: We're in the woods, Chuck. Whadaya expect?
Chuck: How far could Sach have gotten?
Slip: He's Sach. He could be anywhere.
(That's when we hear a low growl and shuffling.)
Chuck: *Stops* Slip, did you hear that?
Slip: *Also stops* Yeah, I did. Sounds like it's comin' from behind us.
(That's when a huge brown bear steps out from behind the bushes. It's growling and snuffling.)
Slip: Oh shit.
Chuck: That's...a bear...
Slip: We gotta move slow. C'mon.
Chuck: Don't hafta tell me twice.
*They slowly begin to back away from the bear.*
(The bear advances on them, growling and sniffing and snuffling.)
Slip: Okay. Not working.
Chuck: Slip, was there honey at breakfast?
Slip: Yeah, but...shit. Sach dumped half of it on me.
Chuck: Then I think he's lookin' for you.
Slip: Get behind me and get ready ta run.
Chuck: Okay. *does so*
Slip: On three, run. *pauses* Three!
*With that, Chuck takes off. He heads through the brush, zig-zagging. He pauses against a tree to catch his breath and looks around for Slip, whom he assumed was right behind him.*
Chuck: *Looks around* Slip? *Chuck pauses, hearing noise in the brush. The noise moves closer. We finally see Slip, minus his jacket. He lets out a sigh of relief* Slip! What happened?
Slip: Letís just say that bear's gettin' friendly wit' my jacket.
Chuck: Geez, Slip...
Slip: What? I had ta do som'en.
Chuck: Next time, TELL ME you ain't gonna be right behind me!
*Slip gives a half shrug.*
(That's when we hear another noise in the woods.)
Voice: Hallooo out there?
Slip: *Makes a face* Sach.
Chuck: *Calls out* Sach!
Sach: Chief? (He enters between two trees. They knock his pile of wood out of his hands, revealing that he's still wet.) Chief! (He runs over to Slip and Chuck and grabs them both in a hug.) I'm so happy to see you two! You'll never guess what I found!
Chuck: Sach, you're all wet!
Sach: Yeah! I fell in a pond and found dinner.
Slip: You found dinner, huh?
Sach: Yeah! There's a pond with fish in it right near here!
Sach: Come on! I'll show ya!
Chuck: We're comin', Sach.
(Cut back to the pond. Sach now has a more manageable pile of sticks under his arm.)
Sach: Here it is, Chief! Ain't it a beauty?
Slip: Not bad, Sach.
Sach: Yeah. It's got a lot of fish in it, too! Trust me, I know. I was in there.
(That's when we hear more noises in the woods. Sach jumps.)
Sach: I hope that isn't anything that eats New Yorkers.
(Sach runs behind Slip, whimpering, as the noises get close.)
Sach: Maybe it'll eat you first. You're bigger n' I am.
*Slip turns around and belts Sach over the head with his hat.*
(Butch and Whitey emerge in time to see Slip smacking Sach.)
Butch: What did Sach do this time?
Sach: (Looks up) Hey, you guys aren't a bear!
Butch: Not the last time I checked.
Whitey: Not me either.
Sach: Can we go fishin', Chiefy? Please?
Slip: Yeah, sure.
*A short time later finds Slip sprawled out on the grass, hat over his eyes. He's chewing a long piece of grass and has his arms folded under the back of his head.*
(The other four have poles out. Sach leans back next to Slip. His pole is in the ground. He has a salami sandwich in his right hand.)
Sach: Boy, this is livin', ain't it, Chief? And people call this a sport!
Butch: I wish we could actually catch something, though.
Whitey: Yeah. I don't get it!
Chuck: You got worms on your lines, right?
Whitey: I knew I forgot som'en!
*Whitey fixes his line and re-casts it.*
Chuck: I'm just glad we didn't have any more problems with that bear.
Butch: Yeah. We're lucky that skunk was probably gettin' ready to go to bed for the winter. I don't think he was awake enough to think straight, much less spray anyone. (Pulls his line out) Darn.
Chuck: *Turns a glance at Slip and raises an eyebrow* Slip's smirkin' in his sleep. I wonder what...or who...he's dreamin' about.
Sach: Oh, probably Sally. They're crazy about each other, you know. (He casts his line again)
*Chuck just rolls his eyes, grinning. He'd argue it was a rhetorical question, but would then have to define 'rhetorical.'*
Chuck: I know, Sach.
*The picture suddenly turns wavy as we fade from the guys beside the pond.*
(Fade in on a white ballroom in soft focus. An instrumental "Cheek to Cheek" plays in the background as Sally and Slip twirl their way across the floor. Clouds surround them, giving them the look of dancing on air.)
(Mid-way through the song, Slip twirls Sally off-camera as the woman in the car we saw earlier, dressed in a flowing red gown with sequins, dances in. The song becomes a bit slower and more languorous...sexier.)
*Slip holds her closer. They don't move around as much as with Sally.*
(As the music winds down, Slip pulls her in very close for a kiss. However, both the music and the dream sequence end abruptly as we cut to Sach, who seems to have a tug on his line. He's yelping.)
Sach: Oh Chief! Chief! Look! (He grabs his line) He's got me! It's a big one! It's a tough guy!
*Slip flinches. His smirk turns quickly into a deep frown as he pulls one arm from under his head to raise his hat from his eyes.*
Slip: *Groans* Oh, this kid's got a death wish.
Whitey: Hold onto him, Sach!
Sach: I got 'im! I got 'im! (He finally pulls something out of the water. He pulls so hard, it knocks Slip over. It turns out to be an old boot.) I don't got 'im.
Slip: No, but I'm gonna get YOU!
*Slip aims to grab Sach, but Chuck grab's Slip's arm.*
Chuck: Slip, don't.
Sach: Oop! I guess the Chief doesn't need shoes.
Slip: No, I don't! An' ya ruined a perfectly good dream I was havin'!
Sach: You sure looked like it was a good dream. Your smile couldn't get any bigger. Dreamin' of banana splits?
Butch: Or of Sally?
Slip: Only you dream of banana splits, Sach.
Chuck: I take it it was Sally, then.
Slip: She was there.
Sach: Did ya kiss her?
Slip: There was gonna be kissin' before ya woke me up.
Sach: Then why don't you go back to sleep? Maybe you'll get kissed then.
Slip: I shouldn't HAVE to go back to sleep.
Sach: Then here. (He hands him the rod.) You fish, and I'll sleep. Maybe I'll dream of that gorgeous blond from the dance the other night.
Butch: You're still thinking of her?
Sach: Who wouldn't?
*Slip growls and drops the rod.*
Sach: (Grabs the rod) Oh, you're just jealous, Chief. You think she's cute, too.
Slip: I ain't jealous.
Chuck: *To Slip* Because you have Sally.
Sach: Yeah! What do you need two girls for?
Slip: What's wrong wit' havin' two girls?
Chuck: *Groans* I don't believe it.
Sach: Why can't I ever get a girl?
Butch: You do like her, don't you, Chief?
Slip: So what if I do?
Chuck: Slip, do you even know her name?
Slip: What's she need a name for?
Sach: She doesn't need a name. She's beautiful without one. (He leans back) I think I'll dream about her. (Yawns) Catch somethin' good, Chief.
*Slip rears back as though to slug Sach, but Chuck catches his fist and shakes his head, glaring at him.*
(Sach never sees this. He just lays back blissfully, his eyes closed, as we fade out on him snoring and Slip stewing.)