(We open...in darkness. Slowly, the darkness seems to lift...and we get a blurry glimpse of what appears to be Slip and Sach through lowered lids.)
Sach: Chuck? Chuckie?
Slip: You in there, Chuck?
Chuck: *Groans* What ran me over?
Sach: (He grabs Chuck and hugs him) Oh Chuckie! Poor boy! We were afraid you were never gonna get up! (He bursts into tears and cries all over Chuck.)
Chuck: *Sighs* Slip...help.
Slip: Quit smotherin' him, Sach! *pulls Sach away from Chuck*
Sach: Sorry....just got overwhelmed... (Sniffles)
Butch: I take it you don't feel well, Chuck.
Chuck: My head...
Butch: To answer your earlier question, Lady Zelda ran over it.
*Chuck just groans again.*
Sach: Yeah, she hexed you.
Butch: Made you attack us!
Chuck: *Looks to Slip* I did?
Slip: *Nods* Yeah, ya did.
Sach: That chick is bad news. She does somethin' that gets into your brain.
Butch: She's probably tryin' to make you a servant again!
Sach: She's a real witch!
Chuck: *Winces* She was trying to make me a servant. *Frowns* She wants me for somethin' else, too.
Whitey: How horrible!
Butch: She needs to find a new hobby.
Sach: Do you think we could shove off now, Chief?
Butch: Yeah, those creeps might still be after us!
Slip: Yeah, letís get out on the water. I feel better about it, now that Chuck's awake.
Sach: Who gets to drive?
Slip: I think it's between me an' Chuck, an' he's in no condition to steer right now. *to the others about Chuck* Keep an eye on him. *heads out*
Butch: Sure. (He nods at Whitey and Sach) I'll keep an eye on him. No one's gonna try to hex him on the high seas. You two go help Slip.
Sach: (Nods) Come on, Whitey. The Chief needs some able-bodied seamen.
Butch: (As they leave) Chuck...do you remember anything about what happened?
Chuck: It's sorta hazy right before I woke up, but she kept runnin' her hands over me and starin' at me.
Butch: I guess you don't remember if her hands went anywhere...private.
Chuck: I don't think so.
Butch: Well, that's good. It could have been a lot worse, then. (Frowns) I wonder what her interest was in you? You were DuVal's servants, right?
Chuck: Yeah. She wanted us back for that. *makes a face* She also wanted both of us to attend to her and Lady Saunders...in bed. A nauseating proposition if ever I heard one.
Butch: I'm gettin' green just thinkin' 'bout it. I'll bet she wanted Whitey n' me to do the same thing.
Chuck: Dunno. She was only talkin' about me and Slip.
Butch: I'm a musician and a pirate, not a toy. I wouldn't want to be in her bed for all the sheet music in the world!
Chuck: I ain't crazy about it, either. Wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
Butch: I guess DuVal wasn't a very nice master, either.
Chuck: *sighs* No. A slave driver and abusive.
Butch: (Narrows his eyes) He hurt you and Slip?
Chuck: If we didn't do exactly as told.
Butch: I wish I could pop that guy in the nose. No one should treat people that way.
Chuck: You have no idea.
Butch: No, I don't. I was born in the colonies. I've always been free. I don't get this at all. (Frowns) And you're younger than Slip. I guess you don't really remember your parents.
Chuck: Not really, but I miss them all the same. Our lives would've been so different... *closes his eyes and lets out shuddering sigh*
Butch: Man... (Puts his arms around Chuck) Here. You wanna cry, you can do it with me. I won't tease ya. Sometimes, you gotta let it out.
Chuck: *Quietly* Thank you. *does so*
(Butch just holds him and rubs his back, looking like he might cry himself.)
(Cut from Butch holding Chuck to the main deck. Sach swabs the deck while Whitey checks the mainsails and Slip steers.)
Sach: Anyone see anythin'?
Slip: Just water so far...
Sach: Can I look through the telescope-thingie, Chief? Maybe I'll find a new island or somethin'!
Slip: Go ahead, Sach.
Sach: Oh boy! (He grabs the telescope and looks through it) I see... (turns around on the deck) I see... (Pushes the telescope right at Slip's face) ...I see a big island, with really big brown boulders, and lots of dark brown sand! And a little gold necklace, and lots of fuzzy trees, and...
Slip: *Pokes a finger into the lens* Wanna look at the water an' not ME?
Sach: (Jumps; almost drops the telescope) Oh, there you are! Sorry Chief, but you were blockin' the beach!
Slip: *Points ahead of him* THAT way!
Sach: Ok, ok, don't get your bloomers in a twist! I'm lookin'! (He finally turns the telescope to the water) Hey, I see somethin'! It's...it's a speck.... (pause; then) Now it's a little less of a speck... (His eyes widen) Chief, when a ship has a skull and crossbones for a flag, does that mean it's carrying iodine?
Slip: Shit. No, Sach, that's pirates.
Sach: Pirates? Where? (Looks around the ship) Everyone abandon ship! Women and men first!
Slip: SACH! Knock it off!
Butch: (He and Chuck run out of the crew's quarters) What was that about pirates?
Sach: I saw some guys carryin' iodine, an' the Chief says they're pirates!
Butch: He what?
Slip: *Flatly* Skull and crossbones.
Chuck: It is pirates.
Butch: Well, what do we do now?
Sach: Ask 'em if they have anythin' good on there, and if they do, could they give it to us, please?
Slip: Sach, they want what WE got...but I'm hopin' to talk 'em outta it.
Sach: What do we got?
Butch: I don't think we have that much money left!
Slip: We got nutin'. Too bad they don't know that. Heads up, fellas, cuz here they come.
Sach: Look! (Points as something comes right at them) They're shootin' at us! (A cannonball whizzes over their heads and lands in the water next to the ship! The next one lands to the right of the ship.) Hey, you dopes! Learn to aim!
Chuck: Don't provoke them, Sach!
Slip: Sach, I swear I'm gonna shut yer mouth.
Butch: This is no time to argue, guys! (Points as the ship pulls alongside theirs...or tries to. It misses it by a few inches) Those guys wanna come on our boat!
Sach: Over my upright body!
Slip: Shudup, Sach!
Butch: What are we gonna do?
Sach: Maybe we could play cards wit' them, and the winner gets the cargo?
Slip: When they get on the ship, you don't say nutin', Sach.
Sach: Ok, ok. I won't say nutin'.
Pirate #1: (As his men board their ship) Who's the Captain here?
Slip: I am. Who's askin'?
Pirate #1: I be Captain Orangebeard, and this be my crew. We're here to take your cargo an' send you below to the Briny Deep!
Slip: Sorry to unappoint, but we got no cargo, aní we don't know where the Briny Deep is.
Pirate #1: Why laddie, what do you think your ship is floating on?
Sach: (Raises his hand) Ooh! Oooh! I know!
Slip: *Warningly* Sach...
Chuck: Sir, please believe us, we have nothing of value. We'll even show you.
Orangebeard: (Crosses his arms) I don't believe you. (Puts out his sword; his men do the same) We'll go see ourselves, laddie...the hard way.
Sach: (Gulps) Can't we do it the easy way?
Slip: *pulls a sword seemingly out of nowhere* An' I told ya, we ain't got nutin'!
Butch: Yeah! (He grabs a short dagger)
Sach: Uh, yeah! (Holds out his broom)
*Whitey also pulls out a short dagger. Chuck wields a sword as well.*
Slip: *Grins* Routine eight! *He lunges for Orangebeard.*
(Orangebeard does the same...but Slip's so small, he almost falls right over him!)
(Sach holds up his broom, hoping it'll actually do something. A pirate slashes it in half. He looks through the part between the two halves, pats the pirate's sword gingerly, drops the broom, and takes off.)
*Chuck uses his sword defensively against one pirate.*
(Butch ducks around a pirate and keeps poking him in private places.)
Orangebeard: (He can't find Slip) Where are ye, lad?
Slip: *Kicks Orangebeard's rear end* Right here.
Orangebeard: (Jumps; turns to Slip) Ye think ye right clever, don't ye, lad?
Slip: *Smirks* Yeah, I do.
Orangebeard: Ye won't be so clever when ye seein' stars! (He lunges for him again, shoving him into the mast.)
*Slip hits the mast back-first, not overly hard. He cries out, dropping his sword, and falls forward onto his knees, gasping.*
Orangebeard: How clever are ye now?
Chuck: *Dispatches his pirate* Slip!
Sach: (His eyes widen; he hurries over to Slip) Chiefy! Are you hurt? What did that big orange beast do to you?
Slip: *Winces* Dammit...
Chuck: *Joins them* Slip, you need to sit up.
Slip: *Still bent over; growls* Friggin' hurts...
Orangebeard: Come on, boys. Tell us what you're hidin' on this floatin' trash heap.
Chuck: *Looks up at Orangebeard* We don't have ANYthing!
Sach: (He narrows his eyes at Orangebeard) You hurt my Chief. You ain't nuthin' but a bully.
Butch: (Turns to Whitey) Uh-oh. Have you ever seen Sach that mad, Whitey?
Whitey: It's been a long time...
Sach: (He picks up Slip's sword) You stay away from him! He's had enough problems! (Smacks clumsily but angrily at Orangebeard's sword)
Orangebeard: (Laughs) Would ye lookit that? The skinny lad thinks he's a buccaneer!
(Sach hits harder. This time, Orangebeard goes back a little.)
Orangebeard: (Frowns) Lucky shot, lad.
Whitey: *Grins* Get him, Sach!
*Meanwhile, Chuck speaks quietly to Slip, but Slip won't budge.*
(Sach hits Orangebeard hard again...so hard, this time, he has to put up his sword to defend himself.)
Orangebeard: Ye want a duel, do ye, lad? (He pushes back) That can be arranged!
(But Sach just keeps hitting harder. He pushes Orangebeard to the edge of the ship. With their swords crossed, he leans him against the rail.)
Orangebeard: Careful, lad! If ye push too hard, we might both end up in the briny!
Sach: Not me. (He swings at Orangebeard one last time...and Orangebeard falls overboard, landing in the water with a splash) Just you. (He turns to the rest of Orangebeard's crew with murder in his eyes) Anyone else want to pick on my Chief?
(Orangebeard's crew takes one look at Sach and almost trip over each other getting back on their own ship. In no time at all, they're hauling a water-logged Orangebeard out of the ocean and shoving off.)
Whitey: All right, Sach!
*Chuck is finally just starting to get Slip to sit upright, but he still appears to be in pain.*
Sach: Thanks, Whitey. (He throws the sword aside and joins Chuck at Slip's side) Chief, what happened? Are you ok? What's wrong with your back?
Butch: (He and Whitey join them; he sheaves his knife) Yeah.
Slip: *Winces* Welts.
Chuck: *Frowns, glancing at Butch* DuVal liked to abuse us when we didn't do what he wanted. *looks at Slip* Slip took most of it. There's partially healed welts on his back. When he hit the mast... *shakes his head*
Sach: (Growls) That DuVal hurt you?
Butch: What did he do to you?
Slip: *Grunts* Leather whip.
Whitey: Oh my...
Sach: Chief, we've gotta get you in the Captain's Quarters an' get somethin' on your back. Chuck can steer the ship.
Chuck: And don't argue, Slip. I know how much you're hurting.
Slip: *Nods* Yeah.
Sach: I'll get you in there if I have to carry you.
Butch: Sach will get some ointment for your back. We'll keep any eye out for anyone else who thinks we have cargo.
Sach: Chief...maybe we need some more guys. You saw how many people that Orangebeard had.
Slip: *Looks to Chuck* Take us back to land. We gotta get more help.
Chuck: Will do, Slip. Now, you go let Sach work on your back. *shakes his head* I've got a good idea it ain't looking to pretty right now.
Sach: (Checks his back...and winces) Nope. Some of it's bleedin'.
Slip: *Winces* Knew it.
Sach: (Gently helps Slip to his feet) Come on, Chief. Let's go get you fixed up.
Slip: *Nods* Before ya start hearin' my sailor language.
(Sach puts an arm around Slip's shoulders and leads him inside the ship as we fade out on the two.)